Cleaning out some old emails, came across a couple of classics
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl
was.
He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such
innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her
attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?"she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
question,
he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment,
then took her foot and stomped them flat and said,
"Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback-Mountain shit in
our garden."
Honour of Stupid People . . .
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Sainsbury's peanuts --
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking
this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding --
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought?
...)
On a Sears hairdryer --
Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos --
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap --
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners --
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron --
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Nytol Sleep Aid --
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(..I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights --
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor --
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts --
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume --
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw --
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere
