Stupid Or embarrassing things you have done on a bike

[TMKIWI]

As the title says, What is the stupidest or most embarrassing thing you have done on a motorbike.
There are a few "seasoned" riders on here that must have some good stories.
And you young fella's.

Mine:
Stupidest: When I was 17, my cousin and I left work at 3am to go home on his CBR1000.Traveling thru town in a 50kph zone I thought we were travaling a bit fast (I was pillion) and pulled my head out to look at the speedo. 280kmh. Past the hospital. It took about 400 meter's to pull up before the next set of lights. STUPID STUPID STUPID.

Embarrassing: Showing off to some girls when I was 14. I was doing my best Ivan Mauger ( Speedway Champ) impersonation on the beach and was going quite well until the bike gripped and high sided me into the sand. Bike landed on top of me and the foot peg put a hole in my leg. The girls had to carry me back to the car park..
I didn't even get a sympathy kiss.

[pushdogg]

this past weekend i got a flat on the first lap, and ended up riding my buddy 88 cr125......after locking the rear brake and sliding into a high side right in front of a very young crowd(who laughed hysterically), i was a little embarassed ......even more embarssing was a time i dumped my bros katana in the ally behind our house before i rode 15 feet on it:(

[VintageBlueSmoke]

Last year, I entered a local race set up on a soccer field. It was basically flat with berms and a single jump so I entered my 1971 Bultaco (boat-tail) Pursang 250. I had never ridden it before but I figured if I could kick it with my left foot, I was smart enough to shift with my left foot.

The organization ran qualifying as the fastest two laps in the 15 minute practice session and surprise, I qualified 2nd overall! Mind you, this is not a vintage race but modern machinery, the oldest being a buddies 1999 Honda CR250 - that everyone considered old and out of date!

So I get up on the line in the second position as they use Grand Prix style staggered starts, bring up the revs on the unmuffled exhaust to near redline and at the drop of the starters flag - bawaaaa! I hole shot and lead into the first turn! On a 40 year old motorcycle! As I approached the left hand hairpin berm, I grabbed a hand full of front brake and went to down shift and rear brake slide into the turn but IN THE RED MIST OF BATTLE, got my feet confused! I couldn't find the brake, down shifted and I had no more time to react and correct myself. I just pinned it and hit the berm straight on.

Now on most motocross tracks, there would be some kind of runoff, or another part of the track, or a hay bail (tough block), but again this was an old soccer field so 3 feet  behind the berm was a 4 foot concrete wall and beyond that, the grand stands - where I landed.

Unfortunately, the old Bull didn't. It hit the top of the wall at about the middle of the front tire. Bent both triples, the steering stem itself, both fork tubes, and the front axle. I got a nice bruise on my thigh (from going over the handlebars) and a larger one on my ego.

I've since repaired the bike and tried to race it on another (quad friendly) MX track where I qualified 6th fastest but ran into intake problems and ended up running my Penton 175. Someday it'll scare the kiddies and lead the pack again!

[SachsGS]

A friend of mine borrowed the first CBX1000 Honda in western Canada from his father's shop.I stopped by to see him and,being the nice guy that he was,he told me to take the Honda for a spin.I rode the bike to a rural area and decided to open it up.I looked in my rear view mirror and other then one grey car, the coast was clear and I put the Honda through it's paces.

 I marveled at the effortless power the big six made and through one "s" section braked to about 190 kmh and lofted the front end over a railway crossing.I then returned to my friend's business and gave him back the big Honda remarking that if I owned the bike I would probably end up in jail.

 Just then a grey, unmarked police car came sliding into the parking parking lot. This big, burly cop got out, grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and threw me in the back seat. He started telling me the consequences of my actions ,his voice shaking. All the while I could hear that old pushrod interceptor V8 going "clink,clink", the kind of noise such an engine made when pushed too hard. Finally the cop blurted out "What the h#ll is that thing? It's so fast I only got one reading on you when you slowed to 190 at that railway crossing!".

 The police officer then offered me a deal, he would either throw the book at me or, if I promised to keep off street bikes until I could behave myself, let me go with a warning.

 All these years later, I kept my promise.

[eprovenzano]

I had not been on a bike in years (too many years), when my nephew just got an early 90's CR85.  He was messing around in a field across from his house just goofing off.  I of course had to take her for a spin....  I start down through the field, (about 600 yards long) and its not long before I'm in 6th gear WFO...  I'm thinking damn this little bugger is fast...  Coming to the end of the field, I reach down for the rear brake....  OH %^&* it's bent up under the case, and my foot is too big to use it...  Now the fence at the end of the field is coming up fast....  I revert back to my old days...  ( you have to realize, when I quit riding the front brakes were still drum brakes, and most of the time they were horrible. They were only to be used in an emergency, as they would grab, lock up the front end and down you'd go)  I stuck out my leg, shifted down into 3rd, laid the bike over, grabbed a handful of throttle, and did a perfect 90 degree turn, wheeling out at the end...  I took the bike back to my nephew, as he was amazed...  I just smiled and went back to the house.  My wife said wow you can still handle a bike...  I didn't say much as I needed to go change my huggies...  

Think GOD it was an 85, and I could man handle the little bike...  I still don't know how I didn't slide out on the turn, as there wasn't a berm to rail around, all I can say is someone above was looking out after me...

Pack up all the gear, bikes, quads, kids, etc.  get to the track, fire up the bike, and it just doesn't want to run right...  It was perfect the last time out...  WTF is going on...  I'm about ready to load up and go home, when my son says hey dad, try turning off the choke.... boy did I feel like a dummy....

[TMKIWI]

Funny you should mention police chases Sachs. I have a couple.

1990, Myself and some workmates went for a 2 week holiday around the South Island taking in the "Brass Monkey" bike rally.
There was a FZ600,GSXR1100,GSXF1100,CBR1000 & Z1100.
Cruzing down the coast into Christchurch I was leading the group doing about 140-150kph.
As we entered the outer city I slowed to about 70kph (70kph zone) and stood up to stretch the legs  (sports bikes are hard on the legs when touring).
At that time all the boys went flying past me. I tried to wave them down but they were off. WTF
So I put the hammer down and we went weaving thru side streets for no appartent reason.
Finally after a few km's we stopped and I asked WTF is going on.
Terry said didn't you see the 2 cop cars chasing us.
Well obviously I didn't.

Another time ,I had just arrived in London and my mate Jason took me for a tour of the city on his Guzzi.
We were stuck in traffic so Jas decides to drive up the wrong side of the road to get past the stationary traffic. We finally stop at a traffic island where we couldn't go any further because of 2 buses blocking the road. As we are sitting there I happen to look behind us to see a cop on a horse galloping up the road pointing at us (true story).
Now I thought that was a bit funny so tapped Jas on the shoulder and said 'hey there is a cop chasing us". Jas says bullshit but looks around to see the cop about 50ft behind us blowing his whistle.
That was like a red rag to a bull so Jas takes off up the footpath around the busses, and in and out of the traffic. The cop was still behind us and we weren't getting away from him.

(The funny bit is this was probably one of the slowest police chases in history. We would not have gone over 40kph.We could have run just as fast.)

Finally the traffic opened up a bit and we managed to get away abit, but at the roundabout ahead there were 2 cop cars waiting. He obviously radioed ahead.
As luck would have it there were 2 trucks on the double lane roundabout side by side, and we managed to sqeeze between them and get around the roundabout without the cops seeing us.
It was then a mad dash up the expressway and away.
First and only time I have ever been chased by a cop on horseback.
Still funny till this day.

[ford832]

Far too many too mention but the stupidest would be passing out at a party and coming too at about 2am and deciding to ride my month old bike (yamaha radian)home in a rainstorm.I sold what was left of it for $300.I then continued to pay off a 5 yr loan on nothing.I had ins. but didn't dare claim at as around here,I never would have been able to afford to insure another one.At least it was only 4.5 months until the cast came off.
I've had many of people laughing at me from-"yeah,I could do that" or "watch this " moments but the one I always found funny was when I crashed my SX trying to go crosscountry through a clearcut chopping.I almost made it too.when I finally cuffed it about 10 yds short of the tree line,I went down in a heap with the bike on top of me.I wasn't hurt in the least but my right leg went under one branch,over another and under another-locking me there.I could push the bike off me with my left foot but couldn't push it over as the wheels were jammed between branches and it would fall back on top of me.I was effectively pinned and couldn't figure a way out.I layed there for about 15 min while my left leg was shaking trying to hold the bike off until my buddy came back.After P-ing himself laughing for a while,then sitting on a stump for a while until my leg gave out and the bike fell down on me again,he got bored and pulled the bike off and got the center branch on my leg out so I could get up.

[TMKIWI]

It's funny how mates are like that ford.
On the South Island trip I fell off on some black ice and all the boys wanted to do was take photos of me pinned under the bike.
Wasn't so funny as the exhaust was burning my leg.
I only hurt my pride.

[ford832]

Hahahaha,I guess things are the same all over.I remember once we were riding just after most of the snow was gone and a buddy went sideways trying to skirt a stream on the icy bank and went down on his back,through the ice with the bike on top of him.Just half of his helmet was above water and he figured the bike was about to push his head under and drown him.He was screaming for help so naturally I leisurely parked mine against a tree and looked down at him while laughing my arse off.That stream had a solid bottom and was only a few inches deep but he didn't know that-not at first anyway.

[MXLord327]

I've got a similar one - back abound '91 I went trail riding with some friends who all had 250 MX'ers, and I was on a fully modded '84 RM 125 that made absolutely no power until about 10,000 RPM and signed off at about 12,000 - not an ideal trail bike!!  We came to a brook crossing on a power line, and they all torqued through, splashing through about 2 feet of water and throwing roosted mud about 30' in the air.  I was the last one through, and knew there was no way to make it through without some serious approach speed, so it hit it 4th gear pinned.  About half way across, my front tire dropped into one of the 250's ruts and over the bars I went, into the water.  My leg was pinned under the bike and it was all I could do to keep my mouth above the water level.  I thought I was going to drown, but like most buddies, instead of helping, they just laughed hysterically......

[VintageBlueSmoke]

...and another time, when I was young, I thought it was a good idea to ride my Husky down the railroad tracks...in the middle of the night to access...THE GOLF COURSE! Yeah, I on my 175 (not the same one I have now - my brother has that one) and my buddy on a CZ400 (he wishes he still had that one!) out having a ball! It was all I ever dreamed of and more; smooth, grippy, super fast, long jumps with pillowy landings, and carving berms in the sand traps. Everything was going good but we decided not to press our luck and we headed back to the rail road tracks to make our escape. All of a sudden, I was thrown over the bars! It felt like the school dean just hit me in the ass with the paddle and I had nothing to hold on to! I got up and saw people running from the greens keeper's shed. I jumped up and picked up the bike to take off and pain shot through my back, butt and thighs. I had been SHOT! In the pooper! I freaked but got on the bike and raced outta there. Sixth gear, flat out down the railroad tracks and off into the woods. In the dark. On motocross bikes. Halfway home we had to cross a creek. It was narrow but deep and in daylight we often jumped it but this night, in pain, I thought it better to ride through it. As I splashed down into the water, tears came to my eyes as white hot shards of pure pain exploded on my tushy. I barely got home before I collapsed in a bloody mess on the driveway.

My buddy, as all do, just stood there laughing at me but eventually carried me in the house and to his credit, spent the rest of the night digging the rock salt out of my shredded hinny.

It was many years before I ever ventured timidly back on a golf course again.

[Joe III]

I'm sure that I am no different than the rest of the older vets here, and like everybody else I could probably write a book about funny and not so funny happenings. One that comes to mind is falling over in the pits after practice in front of what seemed like everybody. I was coming to a stop, put my left foot out and then OH, OH, no ground. I stopped right next to a hole that I didn't see. So what could I do? I jumped up and had taken a bow. Talk about  embarrassing! Another time (a long time ago) I was tring out a new Lectron carb on one of my Jawas. Where I used to live there was a fairly long straight that ran from the street, between two houses which ended in a large back yard with a chain link fence at the very end. Anyway, I was making my normal Speedway start as usual when at approx. at the half way point where I always close the throttle, well, needless to say that damn carb stuct wide open with that fence FAST approaching. Without thinking I just moved my weight toward the rear and let the front end come up, which I then proceeded to mow down. As soon as I cleared the fence I jumped off therefore uncoupling the dead man kill switch which helped somewhat but I was still able to see that bike wheelie at 60 or so MPH to the next chain link fence that had a swimming pool very close to it!!! SAVED!!! WHEW; Miraculously it only got hung up in the fence and it did not make it's way through to the other side to take a bath. It did do a number on the front end. The funniest part was when my Dad came out and said "I was wondering when you were going to shut that G** D*** bike down, and I hope that taught you a lesson?" It sure did, never use a G** D*** Lectron carb ever again. I guess he still remembered the time I was riding another one in the back and crashed into the BBQ, or getting pissed off at the DMV because I failed the written exam twice for a street license and the woman behind the counter wouldn't cut me any slack when I tried to show her my AMA Lic. Or the time when...well that's another story for another time.

[TMKIWI]

I'm sure that I am no different than the rest of the older vets here, 

Who are you calling old ?

[SachsGS]

I love exploring offroad and one weekend I wanted to check out an interesting area.Given the distances involved and the fact that there would be  lots of campers in the region I selected a Yamaha XT200 - quiet and easy on gas.

 It was a warm ,sunny morning and all was going well until the bike seized about 30 k into the journey.I had tools with me and I proceeded to try to figure out why on earth this thing locked up.My mechanic had installed a new clutch the previous week and,yup, the motor was full of fresh oil.More trouble shooting and I realized the top end was starved for oil.But why? The oil pump was fine.I removed the oil filter and there was the answer,Rick had installed the side cover gasket incorrectly and restricted oil flow to the cylinder head.

 After about 10 kilometers of pushing I met some dual sport guys and they said their sweep truck could give me and the XT a ride back.The Toyota pickup arrived shortly and,being loaded to the brim with gas cans and camping gear,the lady driver and myself devised a tie down tow rope to get me home.

 The gravel road had been freshly graded so I told the lady to take it easy.She didn't.As I fought to keep the XT upright in the loose gravel I yelled at her to slow down.She couldn't hear me over the road noise.I watched the XT's speedo climb and when it hit 100kmh I decided now is a good time as any to jump ship.Being the long legged guy that I am,I simply stood up and watched the XT disappear out from under me.To this day I still recall that fleeting sensation of skiing down that gravel road at 60 mph in my motocross boots.I then started to tumble,as was the XT behind that truck when finally the Mensa candidate figured out something was wrong and stopped.

 A logging truck gave the XT and me a ride back to my van.Covered head to foot in road rash and the Yamaha no longer pristine I realized this day may better have been devoted to some other activity.

[overthebars]

Took a small jump and got thrown off the bike a bit. Gut reaction was to hold on tight with my hands and so i WFO'ed the throttle and slammed into a tree.
Only the front fender got hurt in that incident. I was lucky to jump off in the last second and the bike hit the tree right on the triple clamps.