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Author Topic: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059  (Read 2212 times)

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Offline DESERTFOX19

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HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059
« on: February 12, 2011, 09:32:20 PM »
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .   

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. 

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.   

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. 

France pleads for global help after being taken over by  Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation! 

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

 
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.
 
 Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba. 

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in  United States.   
 
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
 
 
A Couple Finally Had Sexual Harmony, They Had simultaneous Headaches.   

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with only 3 illegitimate children.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers,
screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060..

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent..

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Offline factoryX

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Re: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2011, 11:04:11 PM »
 ;D


I ride an 03 yz250, wait 04, wait 05, what ever, they're all the same #$@% YOU!

Offline EJ

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Re: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2011, 05:39:07 AM »
Yes, we already live in a crazy world these days!

Offline ford832

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Re: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2011, 07:04:22 AM »
You forgot one. " New Maico to showcase in Jan 2060! "
 ;)
I'd rather a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

Offline SachsGS

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Re: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2011, 08:07:24 AM »
It's amazing that the population of California is greater than that of Canada.

2059 News Flash:"Josh Ford wins CMA Motocross championship on DI 150 Maico.Gramps is mumbling something about if Yamaha were still building motorcycles they would have cleaned house (he never shuts up! :-X). ;D

Offline ford832

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Re: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2011, 11:09:20 AM »
Lol :D You sound wayyyyyyy too much like my wife :o :D
I'd rather a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

Offline TMKIWI

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Re: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2011, 11:26:10 AM »
Funny  ;D

Sad thing is might be all true. :-X
If you don't fall off you are not going hard enough

Offline MyckMcClung

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Re: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059
« Reply #7 on: February 13, 2011, 06:13:03 PM »
At the rate that things are going, this a very conceivable preclusion.
If a pair of 2" brass balls isn't working, I doubt that the 3" model will make much difference.

Offline Swimr2DaResQ

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Re: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059
« Reply #8 on: March 05, 2011, 08:10:27 PM »
"85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss." :o


Wow, what happened to Hydroxycut, The Athens Diet, and Jenny Craig!?

Possible headlines:

Jonbenet Ramsey's killer now believed to be linked to the Kennedy Assasination, Fathering Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, orchestrating the Watergate scandal, and America's fall to socialism under the Obama administration!

In other news, Sarah Palin has released her latest book "The New You, Life After Obama and Menopause!" :-*
"Technology frightens me to death. It's designed by engineers to impress other engineers, and they always come with instruction booklets that are written by engineers for other engineers - which is why almost no technology ever works."